With hope as big as the universe

2009 was the year of change. i will contradict myself by saying this : 2009 is a decent year. why? i've finally learnt my lessons. never in my life i've been through so much failure in a span of  one year. 

but what if 2010 turns out to be the same exact copy of 2009? that's why i am utterly determined to make 2010 my best year ever. may luck be on my side. an as for my resolutions, though i've never succeeded at accomplishing them, i will list things down (not in order), in case 2010 is capable of changing me.

• reduce the amount of cursing per day. i will curse less, OR i will create new curse words that doesnt have any similarity to any curse words, OR i will create a new abbreviation for combined curse words. i will be creative when it comes to cursing.
• jakarta. no, i still love KL, i just need to pursue a better future. 
• maintain a long term relationship. i am famous for my nondiscrimination towards the male species. i am most determined to banish this one.
• stop my bipolarity. this may seem mission impossible, still, i will attempt to do so. i may lack in consistency but i have people to remind me of this. or even you, stop me, please.

i wish you, the best luck for 2010. with hope that 2010 will be a good year to me, because i'm craving for bliss. desperate as usual.

(music : the raveonettes - bang! mood : desperate)

Untangle me

dont you love seeing me? walking down the street, clueless. i've killed trust, murdered self assurance. i've failed to synchronize the two main switch of a human being, my mind and my heart. i was once content, at ease. yes i was an ignorant prick but i was happy. till they told me to change. done it for the sakes of others. now my sight is clouded, my sanity is deprived. and everything is uncertain. happy now?

(music : sondre lerche - good luck mood : stressed)

2009//MUSIC

despite me mentioning on facebook that 2009 is an utter shite, and doing hypocrisy as usual, there are several things i like about 2009. music, exhibit a. and here are some music that sums up my 2009 the best.

• camera obscura - french navy : walking the streets of bukit bintang, alone. forever 21 and topshop plastic bag on my left hand, and coffee on my right one. eating sushi, alone. going home with my right foot swollen, spending the night with coffee and internet alone. the house was empty, and so was my heart. the perfect pre-UAN getaway. this situation was repeated over and over again this year, being alone at most time. (this doesnt involve anything musical, sorry)
• the big pink - dominos : oh huge and boisterous, the juicy drumming, the synthesizers. the chorus takes up most of the song, and is one of the most memorable chorus. it's like rock and electronic at its best
• friendly fires - kiss of life : song of the summer, with it's samba world music influence. the percussion will be the first thing that grabs your attention.
• passion pit - sleepy head : thanks to michael angelakos, i slept hearing his falsetto chipmunk-ish voice and the sampled vocals being played in loops in my head for two months. it's a highly emotional and powerful electronic music.
• sondre lerche - heartbeat radio : despite it being musically very simple and polished, i love this. the endearing lyrics, which was my favorite part of the song, involves simple metaphors. it's good seeing him not doing any genre hopping.
• the dodos - fables : this song is able to deliver a great level of amazement with only a simple usage of music instruments and vocals. no synth, no orchestra. 'i dont want to hear all the liar i just want to be with my own' the song is surprisingly very comforting.
• arctic monkeys - cornerstone : my favorite song out of humbug, a modern day love ballad. the lyrics are narrative -ly amusing, and it makes the song stands out from the rest of humbug. 'she was close, close enough to be your ghost' is a dead giveaway.
• julian casablancas - 11th dimension : this is how a song sounds futuristic and very retro both at the same times. the busy pulse will make your head move like nothing else. it's fun and frisky. casablancas is back. ps : my guitar is named julian casablancas.
• the pains of being pure at heart - contender : it is melancholy without sounding a tiny bit sad. imagine me and my room, listening to this while trying to ease my hardship at night, studying, while doing headstands. that's how it feels.
• phoenix - 1901 : whoa phoenix whoa. when pitchfork says 1901 was dementedly catchy, they were right. i dont even care if it's in the cadillac commercial. it's great great great great great. did i say great? i mean phoenix makes it sound so easy to put up a record (an album) this awesome. it's like effortless (even though it's really not) awesomeness
• vampire weekend - horchata : ezra opening up sounding like some hindustani singer with his unique vocal, then drumming, then BAM. vampire weekend is still doing their eclectic world music signature thingy with horchata. is fun and playful, but i do love it at first listen.
• vampire weekend - white sky : why white sky? why not cousins? cousins, is awesome, but here's why. again, imagine me (you guys must be tired being told to imagine me) after having an unimaginably rough night, waking up on a rainy morning, opening twitter to see someone i 'followed' retweeting someone else mentioning that vw's proper and recorded white sky (which i have heard the live version before and which was all over the internet) is available on their myspace. imagine ezra koenig putting up a smile as big as the great wall of china on my face.

isnt 2009 just lovely? (lie)

Braces no more//VOL2

this post is dedicated to my best friend. i do have other things in mind but my best friend comes first.

demanding parents, they're everywhere. there's even one sitting in my living room right now. first they persuade you, asking about your life interests and hobbies. then they provoke you, as if med school, or flight school would be the best choice for a so called promising future. sure, then you need awesome grades, and several other points that need hard work. and when one is incomplete, they will make you home feel like an asylum. my mom was never proud of me, fir.

as cheesy as it may sound, their intentions are good fir. they just want us to be happy. and based on my theory, they're trying to show that in order to achieve something we have to perspire for it. we just have to channel our thirst for adventure into something more useful, probably research new things, that capture our interest. knowledge is sexy fir.

but you know what fir, they still provide you shelter, food, and internet. face it. we are stuck with them, until, forever or till some wealthy handsome (retarded) hunk marry us. and we have to emerge from this phase. we cant rebel fir, we're kids. we're fragile. though i may brag about wanting to be 'an entry level rebel' i cant. probably one day, maybe, being an obedient kid will have its benefit. though we envy those hedonist, we still know how to have fun fir, just in the right manner, that's all. trust me, being a straight edge, is healthier in any way. (the last sentence was a self defense haha)

(music : blur - coffee and tv mood : sad)

Steady your tremors, calm your nervous heart

(title by ARMS)

when things get knotty, and when you left people with the promise of uncertainty, and when the strings are just too tangled up, when you're on a downward spiral and at the same time you got punched in the face repeatedly by your own unconsidered actions, all you want to do is start over. here's to the new decade

(music : ARMS - construction mood : aching)

Music in comparison

mad by ne-yo is currently my guilty pleasure. i have to admit, i like the lyrics that are commercially 'easy-to-comprehend' written, and the repetitive anticlimax beat. it has commercialism written all over it, but to be frank, i'm secretly singing along.

i have an odd feeling of pride, knowing the variety of music i listen to doesnt include this one. if you are my kind, you'll understand why. thevetia, elaborating as follow :

indie. unpredictable, anti commercialism, creative. i am very discriminative when it comes to music. i am easily bored, mad for example, is a 936482nd copy of it's own kind. search its genre anywhere online, and you'll discover that the similarity of every song is uncanny.

the lyrics of mad doesnt involve metaphors, or mindfuckingly rich vocabulary. i can memorize it at first listen. indie, usually provides perplexed, twisty words. there's a sense of pride that we, i mean me and my kind, can actually understand them.

lyrics and authenticity is just 2 points. there are several thousand more that you can argue about.

btw guess who followed me on twitter (show off)

(music : au revoir simone - dark halls mood : dopey)

Of Transformation and Death

there's a subtle feeling, a gentle urge

these blank photographs

that sheds between dawns

that stays attached between nights

willingly, unwillingly, conditionally

for an indefinite reason

hypothetically, they will eventually fall off

when?

for an indefinite time span we will have to wait

there's a feeling massive enough to tear down the wall

buildings and oceans

colliding chaotically

sinking down slowly

that certainly resides permanently

that shifts irregularly

possibility? poetically

it contradicts itself in reality

(music : au revoir simone - grateful mood : depressed)

The incoherent post

contrary to my previous post (i guess you guys are bored with this sentence by now, i mean me being bipolar and all) i'm on a new music downloading spree and i'm feeling good.

how can someone enjoy the vivid colours of world music, depressing shoegaze, and trashy garage rock at the same time? the next time you're raising a daughter, give her rolling stones at the age of 6 and the smiths at the age of 8. that's what daddy did.

i dreamt of her (and jarvis cocker) last night. thought you should know who's margot tenenbaum.

and this, to spread the joy, since christmas is near

(music : ullyses - toucan mood : high spirited)

Seriously contemplating suicide

i wake up finding myself answering a phone call at 5 am. he talked, i hummed. and at a certain sentence i got so angry and turned it off. cried myself to sleep. at 9, i woke up and felt an unbearable headache. i transferred myself from one bed to another. went online, and sleep again. when i opened my eyes, i was in my bedroom again. through the window, i saw the divine december sky. with the brightest light piercing my eyes, jasmine's rose which was immaculately dead, was the only thing static. everything went to blur.

i need to buy credits soon. i'm sorry love, i'm not getting any better. i need to come home to you. i wish the person who called me this morning read this and realized, that sentence jerk, is so depressing. and it's not funny, at all.

(music : the real tuesday weld - something beautiful mood : depressed)